Hope

The reason my middle name in Nadine is because it means hope, my dad wanted something significant. I guess you can't get any better than an optimistic message, like hope. And at this moment in my life i need all the hope in the world. I need to find a way to let my worries go and look for a new beginning. Need to let go of the wrongs and the negatives, leave certain things in the hands of God, and travel the "path less traveled". Because when you put your faith and hope in God you can find inner peace, and at this moment that's what i need. Today at church they told us to travel in the road of Jesus. Don't hesitate because that's what Satan wants, he wants us to think we have tomorrow, but in reality tomorrow is never guaranteed. So i decided to invest my time and energy in living as a good Christian rather than worrying about superficial things.

follies

I cannot begin to explain how happy I am that follies is over. I have been going through sleepless nights because of that and now i can finally lay back, relax, and take a ride. But I'm going to have to admit that getting ready for follies was a lot of fun. I enjoyed getting together and going through the same song over and over again. In a way it took me back to my high school days in Brooklyn when i was on the dance team, and how we had to practice over and over again just to get one little insignificant move down. But when the time came to display what you had learned at practice you felt great because that one little move you perfected made it a great show. Everyone did great that night, they showed off in more ways than one, and I have never realized how creative the tribes and social groups were until Friday night. But I still feel it was sort of messed up laguna got disqualified for going over 10 minutes (or at least that's the rumor), either way we had fun doing it and in our minds we're number 1!!!

stress

I work better when I'm under stress but this is ridiculous. I had to study for mid-terms, write papers, and do the whole follies thing, but I guess that's my "welcome to college" gift. For some reason I feel as though I can't think straight right now, my mind is just drifting away to some unknown place, which is not cool. This was suppose to be my "chill" week, but that didn't happen, and on top of that there is other entities that don't involve school stressing me out too. But on a lihgter note I'm very excited about follies, even though I have a 4 hour practice today. Overall this college life is pretty cool, in all seriousness I love it. The freedom, the feeling of adulthood even though your still dependant on certain things. It gives you a taste of what you might expect afterwards, minus paying the bills, in my case. I can't wait to see what might come next, it makes me really excited, including the stress and all. :-)

Freddy

When I talk to people about how I am home sick and how much I would like to go home the first thing they think about is that i miss my bed, my personal belongings, my friends, but in all honesty I could care less about those things. In reality I'm not home sick, I like school, I like being in Mississippi, but there is one thing I do miss more than anything in the world, and that one thing is Freddy. You never really pay attention to things until they are not there anymore, and even though I have always cherished Freddy, I never really payed attention to the little things he would do for me. There's nothing like coming home to a loud "I missed you", and a warm hug. Some one that tries to understand you and make you feel better about everything, some one that hurts when you hurt if not more. And even though your job is to be responsible and teach them whats right and wrong, they end up teaching you. An older siblings job is to be strong and put on a good example for your younger sibling, but even though I'm putting on a good example for Freddy I feel as though I'm very weak. I never thought that I would miss him so much to the point of breaking down, and I never thought he will miss me as much as I miss him. I would pretty much do anything to at least see him for an hour. I have missed his first soccer game, from what I hear he got braces and is now an inch taller, even though these things seem so small it hurts knowing that I wasn't part of them. I have missed two months of his life and it feels like I have nothing to show for it. We are half way done with this semester, so I can stick out the other half. But, I cant wait to see Freddy again.

I have heard God leads you in different directions for a reason. Some are good some are bad, and sometimes we forget that there is always a deeper meaning to things. For example if you would have told me I would be living in Mississippi a year from now, I would have laughed and turned away-but I'm here now-it's just funny how things work. If I would have never come here I would have never met some of the greatest people ever, and yes I'm talking about you Emily (hahaha). But besides that I have gotten connected to my faith, when I was back at home I must admit that I disconnected myself from my beliefs. I did things I may not be proud of, but my motto has always been never regret, because at the moment that was exactly what you wanted. Overall I'm thrilled to form part of this school, I never thought I would feel so at home here. I'm really excited that I have found people I can relate to and that I have gotten in touch with not only myself but God. I now know I made the best choice by coming to this school, and even though my semester started out rough, I'm now finding the deeper meaning of this experience.

what tribe?

This weekend was actually pretty fun, compared to my first couple of weekends at MC. It started with the RUSH skits. We had to dress up as random things, which was fun. I like dressing up. My creative juices flowed as I made my tutu for Saturday night. But one thing I do have to say is the skits didnt really help me much to see the personality of the tribes, it was all surrounded by dancing and corny jokes. I do have to say Laguna's "Jesus is watching" and "Dora the Explorer" was extremely hilarious. But I'm still really confused, I'm not sure what to rush for. I have heard rumors about what each tribe is about here and there, but honestly i don't know. i was told Laguna are the party girls, Nenamoosha are the "pretty" girls, St are the more "churchy" girls, and last but not least Kt; I heard they are more artsy. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one in this position, actually I'm convinved there must be at least another person out there that has no clue what the tribes stand for, or which one they will fit in the best. Hopefully I will have a better idea of what i want out of this soon.

different year same stuff

Back in my high school there was a lot of drama. interesting drama, dumb drama...pointless drama. but we are all grown up now, and left all the pointless stress in our life in the past-unfortunately some people missed the memo-and the drama continues. I'm a pretty laid back type of person, I keep to myself, I guess I'm that way partially because of were I grew up. so back to the drama! who doesn't like it? everyone loves to be a part of it and at the same time find themselves saying they hate it. why would you be a part of something you hate?
this weekend was interesting, I learned good friends are one step away from being enemies, and that you can find comfort in the people you least thought of. I like this school, I really do, and I like the people in this school; well I like most of the people in this school. Another question I have is why those the south have some really pointless unwritten rules? for example "only date your race"-pointless-anyways overall I like Mississippi. the whole southern hospitality is nice, we don't have a northern hospitality, we call that being fake; its just not normal to see people randomly happy in New York.
so back to why be with someone or something you hate? but lets be honest maybe people just need or want that extra stress in their lives. or maybe the saying "nothing easy is worth it" is true. but why stick to drama? as far as i know drama doesn't bring any good.

Thinking

As I'm sitting thinking about what I should write for my English 101 class, I noticed that I'm starting to enjoy my time in Mississippi. Don't get me wrong, I still miss my family and at times wish I could at least see them for an hour, but there are things that have changed about me. for instance my dorm has to be be clean otherwise I feel as though my whole day is going to be messy, I actually take the time to plan my day out, and I find even the smallest of things to be extremely entertaining. I guess that's what happens when you don't have anything better to do on the weekend. I find it curious how even though New York and Mississippi form part of the same country they are complete opposites.
For instance, we can't turn right on a red light, it's illegal in Brooklyn-we also cant pass the car in front of us, even if the line is dotted-Today I discovered a lizard resides in the space between my window and the fly net thing (great choice of words, I just can't think of the name), to be completely honest I didn't think lizards even lived in Mississippi. So you can only imagine my amazement when I saw it hop from branch to branch (I didn't know they lived on trees or knew how to hop). As ignorant as I might sound right about now, I must remind you the only time I came close to nature in New York was when I walked in sunset park, and I all there was to see was dogs and squirrels. It makes me feel silly if I told anyone in this school I saw a lizard they would look at me like I'm dumb. Also I have noticed I'm becoming a little bit more like my mother, which is scary in so many levels.
Yesterday I got really fed up with the way my dorm was, so I went on a cleaning spree; I cleaned the bathroom, and our room (Jessica's and mines). I did my laundry today folded all my clothes neatly put them in there place and now I feel so much better. It was really creepy seeing myself go about doing all this, I'm definitely not like that at home. Being in Mississippi and so far away from home has given some sense of maturity (I think), it's helping me grow up and be responsible for myself. Things happen for a reason, and now I find myself seeing things and acting in a positive light.

Reasons

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me "what are you doing in Mississippi?", I would probably have enough money to at least pay off my debts in my student account. I guess in many ways people see a bigger reason to ask me why I traveled 1,204.57 miles to come to school, and honestly sometimes I ask myself why did I spend a whole day from airport to airport to be stuck on some campus with no one to relate or talk to. Overall there are many colleges/universities in the United States and I could have easily just have gone to one closer to home, which by the way is Brooklyn, New York. So honestly what am I doing here in Mississippi College?
That question made it's presence known my first night in Hederman Dorm 330. I grew up in a very warm environment, my parents have always cultivated in me a sense of family togetherness, so the day I had to say my goodbyes it was extremely sad, and although no one cried the scent of despair was in the air. I have always been a very independent person and I wasn't expecting my goodbyes to be so hard, but I tackled the feeling of loneliness with that of confidence and positivity. Once in Mississippi College I fell into a depression. I felt alone, I pretty much was alone, and I was ready to board the first airplane back home, but I have never really been the one to give up. I knew I had to be strong and even though I looked happy to be in school and ready to do my best I was torn.
I had to learn how to deal with this new found feeling. The only way I figured I could deal with this was to shield myself with my new friends and by going to church and praying. I felt comfort from the people in MC who were very supportive. I felt comfortable here and after a while it started feeling like home. I know it's played out to say things just felt right, but they did. So this goes back to the infamous question "what are you doing in Mississippi College?", and the answer is I don't know. Maybe it was the feeling of peace I got when I first toured this campus, or the fact that I'm beginning to call this place home, But I know that whatever the reason may be I'm happy to form a part of MC.